Unconscious Mutterings

1. Playoffs:: basketball
   
2. Morris:: Tom -- I have no idea who Tom Morris is but I read his name last night on someone's "shout outz" page
   
3. Break up:: a guy ... but I can't even put my feelings into words
   
4. Eggs:: benedict
   
5. Parker:: Stevenson
   
6. Hardy Boys:: Shaun Cassidy
   
7. Deluxe:: Wal-Mart's mixed nuts. (Yes, I know that's strange ... but they're good!)
   
8. Protection:: from abuse order
   
9. Girl Scout:: cookies
   
10. Salsa:: Paul Newman (His salsa is the best!)
    

The First Four

Ice Cream
1.Blue Bunny Carb Freedom Mint Chocolate Chip
2.Ben & Jerry's
3.Atkins peanut butter swirl (and why doesn't my Wal-Mart carry it anymore?!!?)
4.Custer City Drive-in ... the best soft serve ice cream in the world!

From Spark:

Who is your best friend? Your most trusted confidant, your most reliable advisor, your most honest critic and most enthusiastic fan? Who is this person? When and how did you meet? Do you remember the moment you first realized he or she had become someone you could most intimately trust?

Good topic! I don't know if he even knows he's my best friend but he is. We've known each other for 30 years; since high school. I've always considered us friends but we've gotten much closer in the past year or so. Actually, we started getting closer a few years ago, but I got scared and ran away. I wasn't sure if I could seperate the "high school crush" feelings from the adult feelings of a strong friendship. Anyway, when we were in high school he always pushed me to do/be better than I thought I could. He's still brutally honest with me, and still pushes me to do my best. He edited my second book for me & had no problem telling me if something didn't make sense, or just downright sucked. But he always told me when I wrote something good. At one point when he told me the chapters he just read were the best I'd ever written I was beside myself with joy because I knew he wouldn't just say that to make me feel good. When my first book came out I was really nervous about him reading it because I knew he'd give me an honest appraisal. In fact, I didn't even believe it was good until he told me he liked it. ... OK. Onto when did I realize ...? A few years ago during my midlife crisis/nervous breakdown he was one of the reasons I was a mess. As I said, I wasn't sure I could seperate the feelings, and I had too many other things going on that were confusing me. I was afraid of doing/saying something that would irreparably damage our friendship, so I didn't e-mail him for a long time; almost a year. (Makes sense, doesn't it? Told ya, nervous breakdown.) We had been e-mailing several times a week. But in January 2003 I needed to tell him my book was being published. The experience wouldn't have been complete without him. Slowly, we got back to e-mailing regularly. Now, barring unusual circumstances, we e-mail each other daily. I really look forward to that. He says he does, too. We talk about everything almost everything. And it's wonderful. We haven't seen each other in six years but he'll be here soon and we're going out to dinner in 11 days. (11 days! Holy shit! OMG!!) So, what did I mean by the aforementioned "almost everything?" Well, there's one thing I want to say but can't because I'm afraid it would be taken the wrong way. But, seeing as how he knows me so well (or at least he thinks he does; I'm always surprising him with things from my lurid past), I would guess he knows without me actually having to say it. I hope he does anyway.

<3

The Tuesday Twosome

1.The last two songs you heard:
When I Look to the Sky -- Train
Are You Gonna Be My Girl -- Jet

2.The last two CDs you bought:
My Private Nation -- Train
Dashboard Confessional Unplugged

3.Two songs you hate at the moment:
Sunrise -- Norah Jones
100 Years -- Five for Fighting

4.Two songs you are loving at the moment:
For You to Notice -- Dashboard Confessional
Extraordinary -- Liz Phair & This Love -- Maroon Five
(I couldn't pick just two. Sorry.)

5.Two singers (dead or alive) you would like to meet:
Bruce Springsteen
Jon Bon Jovi

(The last question dates me, doesn't it? Oh well. *sigh*)

<3

He makes me feel so strong and so weak. *sigh*

For You to Notice ...

I wish I'd written this, but Dashboard Confessional beat me to it.


I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
and you'd want to call me..
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...


But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Vagina:: Monologues
   
2. Racism:: Hatred
   
3. Mother's Day:: Going to church with my mom (which is what I did in lieu of a gift)
   
4. Fire alarm:: The original title of my third novel, which I recently changed to "Reasonable Doubt"
   
5. Elvis:: Nick
   
6. Pregnant:: Don't wanna be ... EV-ER!
   
7. Vacation:: National Lampoon
   
8. Waffles:: John Kerry (on the issues)
   
9. Perpendicular:: Horizontal
   
10. Hospital:: General (although I haven't watched it years)
    

The First Four

Dreams

1.Fleetwood Mac's "Rumors" album
2.Sylvia Browne
3.Fantasies
4.Great Smile Guy

And another thing ...

Research. I think anyone who does research for any kind of job would agree it's hard work. And, yes, I do research. For example, in the book I just finished one of the main characters is 39 years old & pregnant. Because I've never been pregnant, I had to do research to find out what she's feeling & going through. Also, there's a lot of law-related stuff in my books. Because I'm not a lawyer, I have to do research on that as well.

So there!

Paranoia

Anyone who knows me ... I mean really knows me will know how freaked out I got when I checked my hit counter and saw that someone got here via this. My first reaction was "Holy shit! What did I write?!!" Thankfully, it was all perfectly innocent.

<3

Writing *IS* my job!!

I fucking hate it when someone asks my mother if I'm working. What I hate even more is her answer: No.

No. No?? What the fuck?!?! My first novel was published. I got a royalty check, which means I got paid for writing a book. The second book, and the next royalty check for the first book, are due within months. How is that not working? Normally, when someone gets paid for doing something, isn't it considered working?

I know some people out there think writing isn't work. Obviously, they are the people who can't write ... or worse, people who think they can but can't. Writing is work! And, it's hard. Yes, there is a certain amount of talent and inate ability involved but, for the most part, it's hard work. Grammar. Sentence Structure. Making sure your story makes sense. Making sure your story says what you want it to say. Coming up with the story is the easy part. Getting it right is w-o-r-k.

And then there's writer's block. You never hear check-out people at Wal-Mart saying "Ya know, I keep trying to put everything in the bag the right way but, I just can't seem to get it right." At least I never do. Maybe they do. Who cares? They get paid no matter how they throw stuff into the bag. If I don't write, I don't get paid.

Then, after the book is out there's promotion, publicity, book signings, speaking gigs. Not work? Ha!!

I'm starting to calm down a little so perhaps this entry will start looking as if a published author ... and not some slacker wannabe ... is writing it.

Back to writer's block ...

During the last NaNoWriMo there was a thread on one of the forums asking about the writers' muses. One said her muse was a wood sprite named Floralee or some such thing. Another person said her muse was a pixie who always wears pink and sits on her shoulder. I can't even remember the others. I didn't post to that thread because my muse is a real live person (the previously mentioned Great Smile Guy). I kind of realized it before but, earlier this week I knew for sure. I'd been having a wicked bout of writer's block. I talked to him for 2 1/2 minutes, then went and wrote eight pages. My fingers couldn't keep up with my brain. So, Great Smile Guy ... thanks :)

Look at that. Up there ... at the end of the last sentence ... see it? It's a smile. Just thinking about him makes me smile.

OK. I'm smiling, so the rant must be over.

Please disregard the poor grammar and anything else you might want to criticize because it's "fun" to pick out mistakes in a professional writer's posts. This is my blog. I do not get paid to write here so I can write whatever I want the way I want to write it.

<3