Gems

 My boss today told someone I am a gem.

I'll take it. 😀

Edit/Update: I probably should have mentioned that the "someone" is the current president of my alma mater. 

Cancer Sucks

 I thought last year was bad, losing my cousin, GSG and an American hero from World War II who I grew to love. His wife even said they considered me part of their family.

But this year sucks even worse.

Last year, out of my big three losses, only GSG died of cancer.

This year, quite a few didn't have cancer. This one did.

The latest casualty of that f'ing disease was this morning. He had a biospy (brain) last Friday and all his friends were looking forward to the results and his action plan so we could help him get through it. This morning his girlfriend posted on Facebook that he passed. The only good thing is that it happened quickly. The thing he hid from his friends is that he had lung cancer, which metastasized to his brain. We thought it was just the brain. 

Holy crap, I'm sad. We'd only been friends for about 10 years but this hits hard. I do feel lucky that we had a brief chat about music on Sunday. Selfishly, I'm happy that he mentioned me in one of his last Facebook posts.

 Bruce, Betsy, Dan, Harrijane, George (did have cancer), Mike, Jeff, Missy, Jean, Roseanne, Sharon. And this doesn't even include parents and spouses of friends who I wasn't independently friends with. Nor does it include the Sisters who have died since I started working for FSA.

No more, please.

A Hallmark Movie Christmas Senior Style

 If ABC can do "The Golden Bachelor," I can do this. 

It's just going to be a short story. I really do not like Hallmark Christmas movies because they truly do all have the same plot. My plot will be similar, ironically, but with a "senior style" difference. 

The idea came to me as I was thinking about a Christmas scene in another short story I'm writing. I realized the scene I had in my head didn't completely fit into that story. So, aha! I thought of another story for that scene.

We'll see what happens.

And, once again, GSG is my "model" for the male main character. 

I didn't realize until a few months ago how much I needed to write, and how much I needed to write about him. 

Serendipity?

 

Serendipity is not exactly the right word, but it's my favorite word so that's why I'm using it.

As I've said a couple of times recently, GSG is my inspiration for many stories, including "Joe" in my Joe & Gina stories, which I continued last month after taking many years off. On the same day I finished this year's NaNoWriMo project GSG's sister wrote a Facebook post about him. She hasn't posted about him since Christmastime last year.

Coincidence is probably a better word, but serendipity makes me think GSG had something to do with it. I want to believe that he was sending me a message through his sister. Usually it's through dreams or things I see on walks. So, he's changing it up a bit. Fine with me.

Winner, Winner

 

Not only did I figure out whodunnit, I found a way to write it and I finished my NaNoWriMo novel. First time I've hit the 50,000-word goal in almost 20 years. 

The thing about finishing this year is that I haven't written about Joe & Gina since, I believe, 2005 or so. GSG was my inspiration for the Joe character, and he pissed me off so badly that I couldn't write him anymore. But, after a series of events, I wasn't pissed at him anymore and thought maybe I should try to write Joe & Gina again as kind of a little memorial to him. (I'm so glad I didn't kill him off in a tragic golfing accident, which I planned to do when he angered and hurt me so badly.)

Getting started wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but it wasn't all together easy. As I got into it, though, their personalities came back, and it felt as if I was visiting old friends. 

In the dedication for the second book, I thanked GSG and told him he had my undying gratitude. Now, even with his death, I'm still grateful. I couldn't have done it without him.

Whodunnit?

 

Writers, especially NaNoWriMos, will get this. I'm 70% finished with my "novel" but I don't know who the killer is yet. It's one of two people but I'm not sure which one. They both have similar motives. I'm just not completely sure which one could actually do the deeds. I hope I can figure it out in 3 days and 15,000 words. We'll see, I guess.

Inspiration

The nine Muses of Greek mythology were goddesses who ruled over the arts and sciences and offered inspiration in those subjects. That's why we traditionally think of women as muses. But, more and more, people are beginning to realize that a muse isn't necessarily a woman and could be anything from an animal to a favorite part of a park or garden.

My muse happens to be a guy. For a long time I fought the notion that he was my muse. But now I'm doing NaNoWriMo and bringing back a character, based on him, that I invented more than 20 years ago. The words and ideas are flowing like crazy and I'm even ahead of my word count goal.

But it's not just that. I've already written one short story inspired by him and I'm nearly finished with another. A couple more, both inspired by him, are percolating in my brain. 

He helped me when he was alive. Seems as if he's still helping me now. 

As I told him many moons ago, "I told you that you have my undying gratitude. Now you have it in writing."

It Didn't Occur to Me to Mind

 "Dirty Dancing" was set in 1963. I turned 3 that year. In the beginning of the movie the main character says, "... when everyone called me 'Baby' and it didn't occur to me to mind."

I was thinking about that as I was running through some dialog in my head for the NaNoWriMo story I'm working on. I was going to have the male mc call the female mc "baby" as a term of endearment. Then I thought I know this character pretty well by now (I've written several stories with her as the mc) and she would not want to be called "baby."

Honestly, I'm kind of embarrassed that it didn't occur to me to mind for all these years. I kind of liked it when my boyfriends and husband called me baby. Maybe I wanted to, or needed to, be babied. But today the implications and possible implied meaning make me cringe.

Now to choose an actual term of endearment. Honey? Sweetheart? Love Muffin? The first two sound as lame to me as the third one. This may be the most difficult part of writing the story.

Be that as it may, I'm sure I'm not the only person whose favorite line in "Dirty Dancing" is "I carried a watermelon?"

Let's Do This!

 

Perception

 We often hear people talk about neighbors or friends of a person who has been arrested as a serial killer or pedophile or something else horrific. They say the neighbors and friends always talk about how nice and pleasant the criminal was and how shocked they were at this development, but "they" would say, "Oh he was an awful guy and I couldn't stand him. I'm not surprised at all."

I heard this yesterday on the radio as well as on a true crime show I was watching. In one case the perp was described as "kind, sweet ... would never hurt a soul ... would do anything for anybody."

Then I started thinking about my husband who was described the same way and in other glowing terms during his funeral service. He was all the things they said. But ... and this is a big "but" ... there was a side of him they didn't know.

That's the side that made me decide I had to leave. That's the side that had us living apart for more than 20 years. That's the side that he hid from everyone but me. Oh, lucky me.

Even his family and best friends have told me they understand and that they loved him but could never live with him. They don't even know the half of it. I assume that they assume it was his quirkiness (for lack of a better term) that made me leave. No. That enduring quirkiness is what made me stay for as long as I did. 

His friends and family apparently didn't know how mean he could be. Or at least they never talk about it. 

I will only give one example because it was the last straw and the action that made me realize I couldn't live like that anymore. 

I used to work a 3 to 11 p.m. shift. When I got home I would drink a cup of some kind of soothing tea. I would leave the cup and spoon in the sink. One night when I got home I opened the silverware drawer to get a spoon and found it empty. The next day I asked him about it. He told me he hid the silverware because he got sick of waking up to a dirty sink every morning. A dirty sink? A tea cup and a spoon?

I could give so many more examples, but I won't. I also know I wasn't perfect. The point is: Perception isn't necessarily reality.

Embarrassing

 This is a true story that was published in Woman's World magazine and they paid me $100.

After an eye doctor appointment, I was shopping for new glasses and, as you know, the selection process can be quite daunting. As I was looking at one wall of glasses I pointed to one pair and said to my husband, "Those are so ugly. Who would wear those?" I then heard a voice ask, "Can I help you?" I turned around to see the optician, who was wearing a pair of those ugly glasses.

Ideation

 First of all, I am not actively suicidal so don't worry about that.

I do, however, have frequent suicidal ideations. Mostly, though, I'm just hoping that I go quickly and easily. And fairly soon. I don't particularly look forward to getting old and having to depend on people to do things for me or take care of me.

With that said, the f'ing Buffalo Bills are making me want to stick it out for at least another year and a half or so. I would like to see them get back to the Super Bowl one more time (I'm not counting on a win) but it's painfully obvious that, barring a miracle, it's not going to happen this season.

Must be the universe has other plans for me and Josh Allen, Micah Hyde and the guys. I hope the Super Bowl is in the plans for next year.

Speaking of plans, I have no plans to kill myself. A few years ago I had a plan but that is no longer an option. I've gotten better meds since then, too. I'm wondering if I should ask my doctor for another meds adjustment. The only reason I haven't yet is that I'm afraid she's going to suggest counseling or therapy. I don't want to do that. I can write about my feelings, but I cannot talk about them. 

Dream a Little Dream

 I had a dream about GSG last night. I had lots of dreams about him in the months after he died -- at least once a week -- but haven't had one in quite some time. 

In this dream he and I and some other people were working on some kind of project together at his house. I came across a Latin word or a legal term or something (can't remember) and I said, "It would be helpful if we had a legal dictionary." GSG got up, went to another room and came back with some kind of dictionary, which helped me solve my problem. 

The rest of the dream is kind of fuzzy, but I do remember feeling good in it. 

Missing

I miss you and I can’t seem to fill the emptiness where you once existed – where your laugh could erase all the darkness; where I could do anything I set my mind to because you told me I could; where you held my broken pieces, put them back together and told me everything would be OK. 

I miss you walking into a room and having it light up like a billion new stars entered the sky.

I miss dreaming bigger because you told me I could do it.

Don't Care, Can't Care

 I don't feel all of this now, but I do feel some of it. I hope I don't go here completely. I'm trying not to, except for the "quick and passive" part. As soon as I get my apartment the way I want it (the way I want to be remembered) I'll be more than ready. 

Fetal position

Warm blanket

Cool pillow

Should be comfortable

But

Anticipation of the

Shrill meep meep meep of the alarm

Keeps me from getting that

Extra 45 minutes

Suck it in

Trying to fasten one of

Only two pairs of pants that

Fit me

Why can’t I get

One of those sicknesses that make you

Lose weight

Then again

I don’t remember

The last time

I ate a vegetable

But

Anxiety attacks in the

Produce section

Healthy women in

Yoga pants and

Perky ponytails

Look at me with pity

Or

I think they do

I wouldn’t do it

Probably

But

After a bad car crash

I wouldn’t fight

Sometimes

I wish for a crash

Or

Something else

Quick and

Passive

Can’t

Concentrate

Can’t

Find the right words

Can’t

Sleep

Can’t

Make phone calls

Can’t

Get warm

Can’t

Stop sweating

Can’t

Read

Can’t

Write

Can’t

Get rid of the headaches

Can’t

Care

All Gone

 I thought it might be traumatic when GSG's name came off the window where his office used to be. 

It is, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm more sad than anything else because whenever I drive or walk by it'll be just another reminder that he's not here anymore.

Class Reunion

 Before last weekend I had never been to a high school class reunion. (We did have one for the entire school after it closed -- Catholic, small -- and I went to that.) I just didn't have that many good experiences that I wanted to remember.

Or so I thought.

Friday and Saturday I had such a good time with the 17 other classmates who went to the reunion -- and their spouses. (Our class only had 58 people, and 5 have died.) I'm so glad I went. One of the reasons I didn't want to go before is that I didn't want to see the Mean Girls. We only had 3. One of them was planning to go (she even paid the $50) but didn't show up. My theory is that since none of her gang said they were going (even those who weren't mean) she was too much of a coward to show up by herself. Good! I know that's mean but -- f'ing good!

The Best Friend and I went together. Not even one person asked about that. Kinda weird, but maybe they're talking amongst themselves. Doesn't matter. I hadn't thought about this before but we hadn't had a picture taken together since 1976. It was a yearbook picture and we're "sneakily" whispering to each other. In the one picture that was taken Friday night, yes, we are "sneakily" whispering to each other. Just not as sneakily this time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I was pretty angry with him. I'm over that and just back to being confused. I'm not confused about how I feel about him. I'm confused about how he feels about me. I suppose I could ask him, but I'm kind of afraid of the answer. 

White Castle History

This is outside a White Castle in the Bronx.

 

NYC

Had to be in NYC last week for work. Wasn't the best timing and wasn't a pleasure trip but I do love being there. We stayed on Staten Island, hence the Statue of Liberty picture from the ferry.
 

Mourning

 My husband died on July 9.

We hadn't lived together for more than 20 years, but never got around to getting a divorce. But we did say if one of us got into a relationship that we thought was going somewhere we would get the divorce.

I didn't think I'd take it this hard.

I'm a mess but trying to hold it together.

I'm not going to forget all the reasons I had to move out, but I will say he was a great person. 365 days ago he even told me he was sorry GSG passed away. He wanted me to be happy, even if that meant not being with him. But, as it turned out, I always was so now I'm officially a widow. I'm only a year older than my mom was when my dad died and made her a widow. 

Harry Burns Was Right

For the class reunion The Best Friend is making copies of everyone's senior picture to put on gift bags for all the attendees. He wanted opinions from me and someone else on whether he should use sepia, colorize them or leave them black and white. He sent us three pictures of one classmate using all three options. Of the 58 people in our class, who does he choose to send us? His former girlfriend. 

Should I be angry and/or jealous? No.

Am I? Yes.

It's Really Quite Simple

 All I want is a guy exactly like George Clooney.

Is that too much to ask?

And They Say Women Are Hard to Figure Out ...

 I was going to post about how great it was to spend some time with The Best Friend. 

But he ruined it.

The lunch and dinner and drinks and saying goodnight were all good.

But four days later, I'm pissed.

Our class reunion is coming up and he's in charge of the DJ. He told us to pick 5 songs and he would pass them on. My choices were 1) September - Earth Wind & Fire 2) Piano Man - Billy Joel 3) Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf  4) Anything by Elton John because I couldn't possibly pick just one 5) Any song that makes you want to slow dance with me.

His response was along the lines of he wasn't sure I wanted to dance with him because he hasn't danced in a long time and he may have forgotten how. 

Translation: We're not dancing together at the class reunion, Anne.

Well, we're not doing anything else either, bucko.

Desiderium

 

I assume just plain California Bloggin' was v1.

V3 was non compos mentis.

V4 was excited utterances.

Can't, for the life of me, remember what v2 was.

Alex-isms Part II

 As I was going through this blog looking for something I found this post about my nephew's Captain Obvious-like tendencies. I shared this post: "http://annesutterances.blogspot.com/2007/08/airplane-like-alex-isms-my-nephews-is-6.html"> with my sister and she sent me yet another Alexism.

He came home from school one day and told her he lost his jacket. She asked, "How could you lose y our jacket?" He said, "I put it somewhere that I don't remember."

He's one semester away from getting his degree in education. His future students are in for a treat.

Judith and Birthdays

 Yesterday was my co-worker Judith's birthday. At some point during the day we were talking about the day she was born and some things her mom told her. That reminded me of a story my mom told me about my Aunt Mary:

Early in her nursing career Aunt Mary worked in the maternity ward of a big-city hospital. At that time there were a lot of abandoned babies. She loved the name Judith so that's what she called all the girl babies. She never had any kids of her own but there are a lot of Judiths out there who have her to thank for their name.

Speaking of birthday's that were yesterday:

One of my besties turned 60. I always think of her as so much younger than I am, but it's actually only 2 1/2 years. *shrug*

GSG's son, who also happens to have a great smile. 

This is my Year in Review from 2006. Don't know why it was in "drafts," but I figured I might as well publish it now.

On April 2, when we ran a three-sentence story about a man who escaped from jail and could possibly be heading toward an Indian reservation, we didn't know that story would dominate the rest of the year.

In fact, the story of Ralph “Bucky” Phillips that started in the spring just ended, for all intents and purposes, last week.

Between the time of Phillips' escape from the Erie County Correctional Facility in Alden and June 9, people throughout the Twin Tiers reported seeing the fugitive. He was reportedly in a Bradford restaurant and stole a pickup truck from Limestone. But on June 10, the search heated up when Phillips shot New York State Trooper Sean Brown during a traffic stop near Elmira.

Phillips sightings became more frequent and, several times, law enforcement officials thought they had him cornered. The fact that he seemed to be staying one step ahead of police turned him into a somewhat of a folk hero in some circles. T-shirts and blogs in support of Phillips popped up. One Chautauqua County restaurant even introduced the Bucky Burger -- but it could only be ordered “to go.”

But as if shooting one state trooper wasn't enough to make people realize there shouldn't be anything funny about the search for an armed and dangerous fugitive, on August 31 two more state troopers were shot while doing surveillance near the Chautauqua County home of Phillips' former girlfriend, Kasey Crowe.

That's when New York State Police Superintendent Wayne Bennett entered the picture.

sound

Trooper Jospeh Longobardo died three days after the shooting.

funeral sound

Baker spent nearly three months at Hamot Medical Center in Erie before being transferred to Albany Medical Center, closer to his home, where he is still continuing his recovery.

In a story you heard here first, we learned that guns stolen along with the weapon used to shoot the troopers were found in the Ludlow home of Todd Nelson, and that Phillips had been at Nelson's home for several days.

Then, on September 8, we learned that after Phillips had stolen two cars in Warren County, police had him cornered on the state line between Chautauqua and Warren counties. Reporters from all over New York State, Pennsylvania and as far away as Massachusetts converged on the village of Carroll, New York. Even CNN showed up. W-E-S-B was the only local media outlet on the scene when Superintendent Bennett gave his first press conference of the day.

anne sound



About 8 hours later, Phillips surrendered to Pennsylvania State Police in a Warren County field. In November, he pleaded guilty to shooting all three state troopers as well as the prison break that started the ordeal.

But, about a week before his scheduled sentencings, Phillips said he wanted to withdraw the guilty pleas, claiming that he only entered them so charges would be dropped against Crowe and their daughter, Patrina Wright, who helped him elude police during his 5 months on the run.

Judges would not allow him to withdraw the guilty pleas and, on December 19 and 20, he was sentenced to -- all together -- life plus 105 years in prison. He was taken from Chemung County to an undisclosed correctional facility, in shackles, escorted by nine state troopers.


Although Bucky Phillips dominated the news for most of the year, much more happened.

In fact, Trooper Longobardo was not the only person in uniform who died this year.

Master Sergeant Thomas Maholic died in the line of duty while serving in Iraq. His memorial service drew national attention when, as you heard here first, the Westboro Baptist Church made plans to disrupt the service. Members of the church travel around the country protesting at military funerals saying that God is punishing America for its views on homosexuality by killing military personnel.

In the end, however, the six members of the church who did travel to Bradford for Maholic's memorial service were merely an annoyance, and soon forgotten. Hundreds of community members, as well as the Patriot Riders motorcycle group, shielded Maholic's family and friends from the protestors.

funeral sound

Another veteran passed away this year. To many in Bradford and surrounding communities, Vince Goodrich personified the word “patriotism.”

Dr. Edward Konwinski had this to say about his friend.

konwinski sound

Bradford lost two more prominent veterans -- who were also Bradford City Police officers.

Both Tim Davis and Dan Close died of cancer.

either roger or carl sound




And, speaking of veterans, the Vietnam Moving Wall made a stop in Smethport this summer. David Peterson filed this report.

NWC1630



As in most years, politics made news, too.

We could definitely tell this was an election year as politicians vying for state and national positions swarmed into the area.

Senator-elect Bob Casey didn't make it to Bradford, but he did visit Smethport. The man he defeated in the general election, Rick Santorum, did visit Bradford, making a stop at Beacon Light Behavorial Health Systems.

Former Pittsburgh Steeler Lynn Swann challenged Ed Rendell for the governor's seat. Swann toured the Zippo factory and stopped at the Zippo/Case Visitors Center.

swann sound

Rendell stopped at Werzalit -- with a big check.

rendell sound

As election day drew near, people were concerned about how the first general election using new electronic voting machines would go. While other parts of the state had problems, everything went smoothly in McKean County.

Senator Joe Scarnati wasn't up for re-election this year, but the fall-out from the legislative pay raise controversy, along with the voters' call for reform in the Legislature, got him a new position in the senate when longtime President Pro Tempore Robert Jubelirer was not re-elected.

scarnati swearing in

Scarnati is now third in the line of succession for governor, behind Lieutenant Governor Catherine Baker Knoll. We were the first local media outlet Scarnati spoke with following his election.

scarnati

He says his new position in the Senate means only good things for his district and his constituents.







Locally, Bradford City Council saw some changes. Tom Riel officially took his seat as a councilman. Tom Shay, who was re-elected, resigned to take a full-time position with the city. Ross Neidich, who was defeated in last year's general election, was named to replace Shay.

And, because 2007 is an election year for two council members, the game of musical chairs may not be over yet.

But council members themselves weren't the only news coming out of city hall. One of the biggest issues they dealt with, and are still dealing with, is feral cats.

sound

Hearings on the issue are spilling into the new year.



Something else that will continue into the new year is clean-up of hazardous material spill into the Sinnemahoning-Portage Creek.

In another story you heard here first, 16 cars of a Norfolk Southern train derailed near Gardeau, spilling more than 40 thousand gallons of sodium hydroxide.

sound

The Department of Environmental Protection has ordered Norfolk Southern to clean up the area.


Bradford Regional Medical Center brought us good news and bad news this year.

Earlier this month, hospital officials announced that staff hours would be cut because of budgetary concerns.

On a more positive note, B-R-M-C entered into an agreement with Roswell Park Cancer Institute.

the expansion project is moving ahead.


In other construction news, work on the Route 219 Bradford Bypass got underway.













In education news, the University of Pittsburgh at Bradford set new attendance records this year.

Here's university president Dr. Livingston Alexander.

sound

Limestone residents joined together earlier this year to save their school -- and they did.

sound


The lack of snow at the end of December is just one sign that the weather was wacky this year.

Remember this?

compilation of mike sound

This is what News 4 Meteorologist Mike Cejka had to say about this year's weird weather.

new mike sound





And, Bradford celebrated a big anniversary this year. American Refining Group's Bradford Refinery has been in existence for 125 years.

C-E-O Harvey Golubock.

harvey sound

And, to end our News Year in Review, we have the Bradford Blues Brothers singing The Story of Brad Penn.


brad penn song

With Frank Willliams, Greg Pistner and David Peterson, I'm W-E-S-B News Director Anne Holliday.

Weird Dreams

 It's been 11 months since I posted. I cannot believe it's been that long. No, not that since I posted because I've gone longer than that. Eleven months since GSG passed away. Man, do I miss him! 

I've had a few dozen dreams about him since he died. Every one has been good, with some way better than others. They all bring me comfort. Maybe I'll blog about them someday. Maybe I'll catch up on how things developed between us, too.

Anyway, the GSG dreams are not the ones that are weird that I was planning on posting about today. This one was last night:

I was in Mass at my home church (which is not my regular church) and it was time for the "sign of peace." It lasted forever because people were going up and down and across the aisles to shake hands with everyone. They were smiling fake smiles and having a grand old time. At one point this guy from my transitional job (more on that some other time, too) was running up and down the aisles glad-handing people and grinning the whole time. I thought it would never end. But it eventually did and that's when the priest called this singing group up to the altar. One of my friends from high school was in the band and she was going to sing. I didn't even know she could sing. 

That's when my backup work alarm went off and I woke up. I don't remember turning the regular work alarm off. I must have been more tired than I thought.