Ideation

 First of all, I am not actively suicidal so don't worry about that.

I do, however, have frequent suicidal ideations. Mostly, though, I'm just hoping that I go quickly and easily. And fairly soon. I don't particularly look forward to getting old and having to depend on people to do things for me or take care of me.

With that said, the f'ing Buffalo Bills are making me want to stick it out for at least another year and a half or so. I would like to see them get back to the Super Bowl one more time (I'm not counting on a win) but it's painfully obvious that, barring a miracle, it's not going to happen this season.

Must be the universe has other plans for me and Josh Allen, Micah Hyde and the guys. I hope the Super Bowl is in the plans for next year.

Speaking of plans, I have no plans to kill myself. A few years ago I had a plan but that is no longer an option. I've gotten better meds since then, too. I'm wondering if I should ask my doctor for another meds adjustment. The only reason I haven't yet is that I'm afraid she's going to suggest counseling or therapy. I don't want to do that. I can write about my feelings, but I cannot talk about them.