Funny stuff, and it fits

Steven Wright is a comic genius, in my opinion. Thanks to Stormwind for reminding me that he always makes me laugh when I need to, and for pointing me in this direction.

Here are two that fit right now:

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."

"Four years ago... No, it was yesterday."
Today I... No, that wasn't me.
Sometimes I... No, I don't."

Does anyone else find this funny?

Martha Stewart asked to be put in a prison in Danbury, Conn., near her home, so it would be easier for her 90-year-old mother to visit her. Her second choice was Coleman, Fla. Excuse me, Martha, but what was that you just said about your mother? Anyway, she's being sent to West Virginia. West Virginia! Ha! Don't get me wrong. Personally, I love West Virginia. It's a beautiful state full of friendly people. But Martha Stewart in West Virginia? Again, ha!

So, while she's there, she has to work (for 12 to 40 cents an hour). But I'm sure it'll be ok for her. Among her choices for employment are food service worker, plumber, painter, groundskeeper or warehouse worker.

Anyway, Martha Stewart and Cat Stevens are taken care of now. Osama bin Laden is next, right?

It's Wednesday ...

Wednesday Matinee

The meme is on fire!

1. What's your favorite disaster movie?
The first movie that came to mind was The Poseidon Adventure (awesome flick!), but I can't answer this question without saying Twister. That counts as a disaster movie, doesn't it?

2. What's your favorite John Travolta movie?
Pick just one? Really? Hmm? I can't pick just one. Saturday Night Fever, Grease, Carrie? How can I choose? Primary Colors and Lucky Numbers? Loved 'em. Look Who's Talking? How cute was he in that? And, need I say anything more than "Pulp Fiction?" See? There's no way I could pick my favorite. It depends on what John Travolta mood I'm in.

3. What do you think of celebrity endorsements for political office?
I think it's fine. However, I think anyone who votes for a candidate based solely on a celebrity endorsement is an idiot and doesn't deserve to vote.

Monday Music Madness Mambo
or something like that

Music Mambo - Week 27

5. -- Songs that make you happy :: Layla, All I Wanna Do, Calling All Angels, All Shook Up (Yes, Elvis) and It's Only Rock 'n' Roll. Of course these are just 5 off the top of my head. There are just so many that make me happy.
4. -- Albums you can't live without :: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Drops of Jupiter, Springsteen's Greatest Hits
3. -- Artists that you'd like to recommend :: Counting Crows, Maroon 5, Train
2. -- Songs that you and one of your parents enjoy :: Silver & Gold (from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer; my Dad liked Burl Ives); Let Me Call You Sweetheart
1. -- Musical memory you'd like to share....
When I started college I liked Elton John, Billy Joel & Fleetwood Mac. No one else really meant anything to me. A lot of the people in my dorm were into Sprinsteen, though, and when it was announced that he was going to play on campus on Nov. 17, 1978, it was like they'd announced the Pope or the president was coming. It was madness! I didn't get tickets because #1 I wasn't all that into Sprinsteen and #2 I didn't want to have to stand in line overnight to get them. Well, a friend of mine had invited a few friend from home to the concert. At the last minute they couldn't make it and she gave -- gave me & her roommate the tickets ... 15 rows back but in the first row of the bleachers, which were really good seats. To this day, it's the best concert I've ever been to. Three hours of non-stop, well, Springsteen. How else can you describe it? It was great and I've been a big fan ever since.

Monday Madness

Name THREE of your........

1. Pet Peeves: Noisy eaters, drivers who don't use turn signals, tv volume that's too loud
2. Favorite Sounds: little children laughing, rain, Christmas carols
3. Desk Items: Post-It Notes, pens, glass of water
4. Biggest Fears: that something will happen to someone in my family & I won't be able to do anything about it, snakes, being in a car accident (I've been in 2. They're not fun.)
5. Biggest Challenges: getting everything done, getting out of bed in the morning, GSG
6. Newest 'Toys': computer, digital camera, DVD player
7. Most Used Words: totally, y'all, yes. (I wish I could learn to say no)
8. Most Mispelled Words: judgementjudgment, rythym (is that spelled right? I don't know.), occasion. Again, I don't know if that's right.
9. Favorite Disney Characters: Simba, Donald Duck, Ariel
10. Bookmarks on Your Homepage: RAOK, Sandee, NaNoWriMo

I've arrived

I just googled myself, as I do every so often (sounds obscene, doesn't it?) and I came up as a sponsored link! It's actually a link to amazon, but it says "Search for Books by this Author." Cool!

A little early but ...

Sunday Brunch

1) If you had a wedding, what flowers did you have at your wedding? :: white roses
2) What is your favorite flower? :: daisies
3) Do you have flowers as part of your landscaping outside or your interior decor? :: outside I have flowers (perrenials, so I really don't have to do anything with them); inside I don't because I always kill them *sigh*
4) If you went to your high school prom(s), what kind of flower did you wear in your corsage or boutonniere? :: I don't remember
5) Do you like to receive flowers as a gift or do you think it is a waste of money? :: I used to like them, but now I don't as much anymore. If I did get them, I'd prefer wildflowers as opposed to roses. Of course I'd graciously accept the roses ;)

Four for Friday

Q1: When shopping for food or related sundries, how important are brands in your decision-making process? For instance, let's say you're standing in the cereal aisle at your local supermarket, and right there in front of you are two of essentially the same item, but one carries a brand name or label you're familiar with, while the other is labeled with the name of the supermarket? All things being equal except price, which box of cereal do you purchase? ::
In most cases, brand names don't mean anything to me. I do most of my shopping at Wal-Mart and their Equate and Great Value products are just as good as, if not better than, name brand products.

Q2: If you wore eyeglasses, based on what you know today about the procedure, would you choose to have elective laser surgery to correct a common eye disorder such as nearsightedness, farsightedness or an astigmatism (distorted vision)? Do you know anyone who has had this sort of surgery, and if so, what have they said about the experience and/or the results? ::
Yes, I would. Actually, I'm considering it right now. I know a woman who had it and she said the best part is being able to see in the shower when she's shaving her legs.

Q3: What do you do when you're given the wrong amount of change when purchasing something with cash? Does your reaction differ depending on which side of the equation you land, i.e., receiving too much change verses not enough? ::
Usually, I don't pay attention when I'm given change. But, having worked the other side of the cash register, I'd politely tell the cashier about the mistake ... even if I got too much.

Q4: Do you have confidence in the airport screening procedures in place in the United States? ::
Hell no!

Actual Malice

So, you've seen the book cover. Now, do y'all want to know what the book is about? Good. Here's the back cover blurb:

When Gina Hamilton started her dream job as a newspaper reporter, she thought she'd left her old life at Franklynne's Family Restaurant behind her. But when waitresses at the restaurant are being murdered, Gina is assigned to write the articles, forcing her to relive part of her past. While investigating the story, she gets personally involved to the extent that her life as she knows it could change forever. Against the objections of the man in her life, lawyer Joe Manzarelli, Gina devises a plan that she hopes will solve the crime, catch the killer and bring her peace of mind. Little does she know that her plan will put her life in jeopardy. In Actual Malice, Gina takes the reader into every aspect of her existence as she tells the story of how the murders are changing her life.

Feelin' like a million bucks

Two million actually. According to this, I'm worth $2,088,210.00. And I didn't even cheat on any of the answers!

via deb

It's almost Friday, so ...

Friday's Feast

Appetizer
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how attractive do you think you are?
Depends on my mood. It could be anywhere from 2 to 7.

Soup
What local restaurant would you recommend to a visitor to your town or city?
Beefeater's. This is probably more than you wanted to know but, if you go to the site and see the owner (guy in the red shirt) pouring a drink at the bar you'll know where GSG & I sit when we're having drinks. Another piece of trivia: "Cliff Claven" was there when he did a show for The Travel Channel about Zippo.

Salad
What's a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
It seems I learn them all the hard way. Without getting too specific, however, I'll say it's: If it seems too good to be true, it probably isn't true.

Main Course
Name something in your life that you feel you can depend on 100%.
Nothing. The closest thing would be Steve, who I can depend on about 99.9 percent.

Dessert
If you could see the front page of a newspaper from September 24, 2104, what would you imagine the headline might be?
No one except people from my area will get this but ...
Businessman's great-grandson, city battle over sign ordinance