Funny stuff, and it fits
Steven Wright is a comic genius, in my opinion. Thanks to Stormwind for reminding me that he always makes me laugh when I need to, and for pointing me in this direction.
Here are two that fit right now:
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
"Four years ago... No, it was yesterday."
Today I... No, that wasn't me.
Sometimes I... No, I don't."
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