California Bloggin' v5.0 :: Desiderium

A Scary Nightmare ... With a Purpose

One of the reasons I've been posting my weird dreams here is that I'm trying to figure out what they mean. Most dreams have a purpose, if only to ease your mind about something. One of the purposes of dreams is to think about things that your conscious mind doesn't want to think about. The nightmare I had a few hours ago did just that.

First, the nightmare:

I had bruises covering my legs & they just seemed to get worse and worse every few hours. Eventually, I asked my mother (a retired nurse) what she thought about the bruises, and if I should go to the doctor right away. She told me the light in the house wasn't good enough for her to see my legs well enough, so we'd have to go someplace else. She and my sister told me to get in the car; my sister would help my mother get ready. My mother drove around the block to the street above ours. Our street is a steep hill. She told me to open my door and stick my leg out; she'd come around and look at them. As she started to come to my side of the car, I noticed she was wearing roller skates. She was having a hard time on them and, with every step or two, would stumble and start rolling backward down the hill. I asked my sister what she was thinking when she let Mom wear the skates. My sister got out of the car and told my mom to try to walk with her hands and feet, on all fours, instead of trying to skate. Before my sister could get to Mom, she lost her balance and went careening down the hill. She crashed into the house at the bottom of the hill, banging her head. Then she went into convulsions. I ran down the street screaming "Oh my God!" over and over.

Now, here's what I think it means:

Over the summer, when I wasn't working full-time, I spent a lot more time at home and got to see how fast, and how badly, my mother's health is failing. She can't even open jars or medicine bottles anymore by herself. So, I was apprehensive about going back to work full-time because she really should have someone with her most of the day. My old job was 3 to midnight, which meant I wasn't there when she went to bed, and I couldn't really get up with her in the morning and be of much help. If I did, I wouldn't be of any use to anyone for the rest of the day because I didn't get enough sleep. The new job is noon to 8, so I can be with her in the morning and at night. But, subconsciously, I'm still worried about not being there if/when she needs me. The part with my sister, I think, has a double meaning ... and it's not all bad. Number one, I think it shows that my sister wants to help, but doesn't know exactly what she should do. Even if she did, she wouldn't be able to because of her family responsibilites. Number two, I think my sister wasn't just representing herself in the dream. I think she was representing everyone else in my mom's life. I think it was meant to tell me that, although other people want to help, I know my mother, and her needs, better than anyone. Furthermore, I think it was telling me that, because I know her needs, it's OK that I took this job and I should stop worrying.

Now, the part about bruises on my legs:

Ever since I started taking the medication, I've noticed bruises all over my body ... especially on my legs. I've always bruised easily but now, all I have to do is brush up against something too hard and I get a bruise. Sometimes they just appear for no reason at all. It's been worrying me, and I've been wondering if I should ask the doctor about it. I don't want to, though, because the medication has been working so well. I'm afraid if he changes it, the new thing wouldn't work as well. So, I think what the dream was telling me is that I should tell him about the bruises and trust him if he feels he should prescribe something else. He's a great doctor and has never done me wrong before, so there's no reason not to trust him.

That's it. Thanks for reading this whole thing. :) Sorry if I bored you, but I had to get it all out.