Sad & Difficult Decision
My mother told me yesterday that she decided next time she's in the hospital, she's going to go into a nursing home instead of going home. It's inevitable that she'll be hospitalized again. She has congestive heart failure, which forces her to be on oxygen 24/7, along with a few other ailments. Yesterday, she told me that she's finding it more difficult each day to navigate the house. (It's 10 rooms, 2 stories, basement, attic. Big house!) She feels "wobbly" sometimes, which scares her. And, although she didn't say this, I'm just not adequate help anymore. She needs someone with some kind of medical knowledge to help her. We both know that.
She was trying really hard to hold back the tears when we were discussing this but, a few fell anyway. How could they not? She's lived there for 45 years, as of last Monday. She raised her three children there. She's watched her three grandsons play there. She's had 45 years' worth of family gatherings and parties there. All her most precious belongings are there. It's just all very sad.
She also told me she's hoping that she won't "linger." She wants the end to come quickly. Ya know, she drives me nuts sometimes but, I'm in no way ... no way ... ready to let her go yet. I just can't imagine life without her. I know that's inevitable, too, but just not yet.
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